Forgetting the Past, Remembering the Future
by Qathgwen
Summary: Rina has a shadowy past, and struggles to put it behind her. She seeks to change herself and her ways as her feelings for a certain person grow. This is my first fic. Please review and let me know what you think.
1. Finding Martin

It was an overcast day. Rain pattered down on the roof of Cloud Ruler Temple. Much was on Rina's mind as she sat in the Great Hall, staring down a great tankard of mead. Normally she didn't drink- she just sold bottles when she found them- but she was under so much stress that on this one occasion, she decided to allow herself a flagon. It also helped to numb the pain of her foot. She focused her meager restoration skill on helping the breaks to heal, and was not very successful.

It wasn't the gates that caused her stress- not them in themselves, anyway. Rina had closed plenty of Oblivion gates so far, and was used to dealing with the denizens of the hellish realm. She had become stronger than them, though determination and more hours of combat than she could count. She herself was a high-ranking Speaker of the Dark Brotherhood, and had taken lives in cold blood- the lives of people she did not know, and had no quarrel with. How she was able to, she wasn't quite sure. Maybe it was the promise of anonymity where it mattered- the guards, who always seemed to be on her trail, and the acceptance of her abilities by people who truly valued her, like Lucien.

Anyway, she had been through far worse, namely the assassination of Amadus Phillada. Then, the Rose of Sithis, the specially commissioned arrow that was supposed to kill him, only grazed him, and he attacked her along with all of the Leyawiin guards in the area and some of the citizens as well. She had survived that by jumping onto a rooftop and letting loose a volley of arrows while still dodging others. Dealing with Daedra was nothing.

She had seen allies fall beside her, in Oblivion and Cyrodill, and had wept for them bitterly. Rina became hardened by battle, and she held her own in every confrontation she encountered, standing her ground in the face of whatever beast or monster approached. She had seen Lucien Lachance, a mentor, though not a friend, be killed in vain. She had seen countless allies in the Mages Guild be slain by necromancers. Death was not an unfamiliar presence.

For some reason, her thoughts kept returning to her most active time in the Dark Brotherhood. Lucien had been an odd character. He was charming, to be sure, but something about him… felt wrong, even to her. Not that they had not had their own brief time together, something that still rather stung Rina when she thought of it. He had been so smooth, so convincing. She knew firsthand how cold he was, how little regard for human life he had. He had an attraction- an unhealthy one- to violence. If he had been a vampire, that would have been some excuse, but he could claim no such thing. He simply had… questionable tastes.

Through all of her experience, she came to fear almost nothing- not even death.

One thing, however, she feared more than she could ever _hope_ to express.

Ever since the siege of Kvatch she had been impressed with Martin Septim's grace and strength, and she came to love him. She admired his determined gait, his willingness to try to lead even though it was against his own nature, his compassion for others, and his handsome features. He had been a priest, not knowing of his royal lineage, until she came along and told him. She was there with him as he struggled to believe she was telling the truth, and helped to guide him along his path, physically as she went with him all over Akatosh's green earth, and metaphorically. She was somewhat frightened at the emotions she was experiencing. What she feared most, though, was losing him.

It had been nearly a year since she had met him, and somehow she had never found the words to tell him how she felt. She longed for his presence every minute she was away from him, and found herself dreaming of him- both pleasant dreams, where the Oblivion crisis was over, he loved her, and all was well, and nightmares, where a horde of Daedra rushed from a gigantic Gate and cut him down, while she stood by, helpless and unable to move.

The recurring dream- or was it a vision?- disturbed her, and she was always anxious to see him at Cloud Ruler Temple and make sure he was still alive and well. Each time she saw him again, he seemed to be feeling more capable to handle the task set before him- becoming Emperor and lighting the Dragonfires once again. He would talk to her, telling her of all the things he thought and feared, and she would try to help him in whatever way she could. She loved him more and more as he accepted his title and the changes around him.

That day, her thoughts wandered back to the night they had met.


	2. Daedra are a Septim a Dozen

Ever since the Emperor had bestowed upon her the responsibility of finding his son Martin, Rina knew she was part of a larger plan. She didn't know what it was, and she still didn't know for sure, but something told her that failure would be catastrophic. She had no faith in the Divines to comfort her in times of need- she had been through too much, seen too much in her life for that to be possible. Religion held no meaning for her, but she could see the connections between all of the events that were going on.

It was at Kvatch that she came across the first Oblivion gate. It was taller than the city walls themselves, and Daedra came through in waves. Defeating them with the help of the guard was easy, and she learned from them that Brother Martin was in the chapel- or at least, had been. She rushed through the mighty gates, cut through more Daedra, and finally came to the chapel itself. Breathless, she ran inside. Two more guards told her a more detailed account of what had happened. She didn't have time for it, hurriedly asking where Martin was. Somewhat confused, they pointed to where he was standing by the Altar of the Nine across the sanctuary. Standing there, Rina at once realized how exhausted she had become. Nevertheless, she approached Martin, somewhat nervous. How would he take the news she was about to tell him?

"Hello," she began. He turned around. Rina stopped. She had never seen a more handsome man._ He has his father's nose. _

"Hello," he replied, regarding her with slight suspicion. He clearly was, and understandably so, on the edge.

"Brother Martin? You must come with me at once to Weynon Priory," she rushed. _Why did you do that? _she asked herself. _Explain yourself, before he refuses. And no wonder he's suspicious, after what he's just been through! Be gentle on him- no surprises._

"I don't- Who are you?" he answered at length.

"My name is Rina. I was sent by Jauffre, the Blades grandmaster, to find you. We have to get the amulet, and we need to get you to the Imperial City! We don't have any time to lose," she explained in one breath. _So much for being gentle and controlled._

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're talking about," he replied, thinking carefully about his next words. "Ah... You see, I just can't come. The situation here was, and still is, desperate. All night I prayed and prayed to the gods, but no help came- only more Daedra. My faith in the gods is shattered. I want no part in their plans," he said icily.

Rina didn't exactly know how to react. She was somewhat ruffled at the way he was talking to her; besides, comforting those who had just been in traumatic situations was not her strong suit. Usually, she was the one _causing_ them.

"Er... I also came here to tell you something. Perhaps you'll reconsider what I've said."

"What?" he asked more softly, seeming to realize he had been rude.

"You see, Uriel Septim, the Emperor who was just assassinated, was your father."

"What?" he exclaimed, raising his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, you must be mistaken. My father was a farmer. I was sent to the priory when he died, when I was very young."

Rina told Martin his father's last words, and what Jauffre had told her.

"... and that's why you must come with me to Weynon Priory, so you can take the Amulet of Kings and relight the Dragonfires. It's the only known way to stop Dagon from staging a full-scale invasion."

"I-I really don't know what to say," he replied, stunned, with eyes growing wide. "I'm sorry, but I won't come with you until the danger here is over and the Daedra are gone. It's not that I don't believe you, but everyone here has already been through so much, and I can't abandon them to their fate to get myself to safety," he explained. Rina knew she had to close that Gate and deal with the Daedra before he would leave.

With that, Rina excused herself and exited the church. She had no idea how to close the Oblivion gate, and a fresh crop of Daedra awaited her when she left the building. Taking a moment to heal herself, she went through the portal.

Rina was helped by the soldiers outside, and that sector of the city was finally cleared. The whole time, she was distracted, replaying their conversation over in her mind. _Alright, really make the next conversation count. Maybe then he'll really believe you. That one back there went rather badly..._ When she went back in the chapel, Martin agreed to follow her.

The journey to Weynon Priory was not terribly long, but Rina was so exhausted that she nearly fell asleep on her horse. She was looking forward to having a chance to sleep in a real bed, eat some good hot food, and maybe even have a chance to talk to Martin. He intrigued her.

Soon, they arrived. Nothing could have prepared them for what they found at Weynon Priory. One of the monks lay on the ground staring blankly up at the sky, his throat slit. Tables were overturned inside the priory house. Food littered the floor, staining the walls, and suddenly an elf was running towards them…


	3. Still Can't Figure Out What to Say

Yeah, she's STILL no good with words. And I'm not including the already-having-the-welkynd-stone-so-Martin-goes-into-battle-with-no-armor bug. I ended up having to backtrack a significant amount because of that. He kept going into battle in his priestly robes, armed with an iron dagger. Results were frustrating.

A significant amount of time passed between the last MQ quest and this one. Rina has gone to the Shivering Isles AND become the Divine Crusader.

* * *

Something clattered to the floor in the kitchen, and Rina's attention snapped back to the present. So much had happened since then, from her working her way up the ranks of the Fighter's Guild to ultimately becoming the ruler of the Shivering Isles. Though the Isles were beautiful and her subjects were generally loyal, all the while she longed to see Martin again. She had been drawn into an epic chain of events, when it had been merely curiosity that led her to enter the strange portal near Bravil. She acquired more loot in the Shivering Isles than she could ever hope to carry, so most of her belongings were still back there, hidden in a million places other than her quarters in the House of Dementia. 

However, the most useful token had been her Golden Saint armor, though she couldn't bring herself to wear it without another layer as well, especially around Martin. It revealed a good bit more than she was comfortable with. She was amazed that it offered as much protection as it did, because it certainly wasn't… practical. She wasn't even sure how long it had been that she had been away from him, she just knew that it had been too long. It didn't matter, now, though. She was back to stay.

Cloud Ruler Temple was quiet, and a sense of hopelessness overpowered the determination to be victorious. Only Martin seemed optimistic. Trying to appear collected and cheerful, not bedraggled, wet, and in pain, Rina approached him where he sat studying the _Mysterium Xarxes_. Pieces of parchment were scattered about, scribbled with notes and covered in symbols she didn't understand.

Martin noticed her. "If it isn't the Divine Crusader! Your reputation has preceded you. Don't worry, I know perfectly well who you are. It's been a while."

"Yeah, well... you heard about that weird door that opened up near Bravil? It ended up leading to Sheogorath's Realm..."

There was an amused twinkle in his eye. "And?"

She couldn't help laughing a bit. "It wasn't my fault! I didn't want to take his place! I was simply thrown into the middle of.. the Greymarch, and um, apparently defeating Jyggalagg made me the new Lord of the Isles. It was rather funny to hear people call me that, as if they didn't notice that um... I'm not a "lord." Oh, speaking of that, the people aren't all completely insane as they say. Most just had their certain quirks."

"So much has happened, apparently, since you were last here! We were beginning to wonder where you'd gotten off to. Madgod or not, you are always welcome. I am afraid my progress with the book is rather slow. How goes your search for the armor of Tiber Septim?"

She didn't tell him of all that had been involved in getting the armor, but apparently enough to make him feel guilty about it.

"Just involved re-killing some skeletons. Here it is," Rina said somewhat awkwardly, handing over the chest plate.

He smiled. "The Septim blood may flow through my veins, but you truly have the soul of a hero, Rina! You should reassure Jauffre that I won't destroy the armor. All I need is to get a scraping of Talos' divine blood," he explained.

He suddenly became serious. "I should never have sent you there, though. I had no idea what it was like, the kind of dangers that you had to deal with…" he trailed off. Noticing her puzzled look, he told her, "I found some more information about the place while you were gone. Please accept my apology."

"Of course; there's nothing to apologize for. I've been through much worse, and I'm still here.What else can I do to help?" Rina inquired.

He thought a moment. "I've deciphered the next items we need for the port ritual. The first is a Welkynd stone. Not just any one, however. What we need is the Great Welkynd stone of Miscarcand," he said. _Heh,_Rina thought.

"I already have the Stone," Rina replied with a little awkward smile, giving it to him. Martin was visibly amazed.

Getting the stone hadn't been easy. It had actually been by accident that she found it. Rina knew nothing of Miscarcand in her days of carefree dungeon-delving, and had only had an idea that the stone was probably something special. She wasn't sure exactly why, but taking the stone had summoned the undead King of Miscarcand, who then summoned minions which she had to fight. She always carried about twenty healing potions with her, however, so she was able to survive despite being dealt a lot of damage. She had used all of them, not having created enough to begin with, and been only about half-conscious when she left the ruin. The undead usually were not so dangerous on their own, but in packs, they were occasionally almost more than she could handle. She was still alive, so she hadn't been bested yet.

In the dark and also due to the weight of her pack, she had sprained her ankle and had to walk back to Cloud Ruler Temple that way. Shadowmere had wandered off somewhere, probably back to the fort. The stupid horse, though strong, was certainly not loyal.

It took all that was in her not to start grumbling about the trip.

"You are truly remarkable," he said. Rina could feel her heart beat faster and her face become flushed. She turned away for a moment so he wouldn't see. What was it about this man that made her act like a silly young maiden? She was a full seven and twenty, and the world of love wasn't new to her. Something about Martin, though, made her forget everything when he was around. She wished she could gaze upon him forever. Oblivious, he looked over his notes again. She could almost not bear to be in his presence, so strong her feelings were becoming. Her attention wandered, but several words filtered through the haze of her thoughts.

"… the most dangerous thing of all. I can tell you, you won't like it. Jauffre didn't like it…" He seemed to need to gather his words for a moment. "I should have seen it earlier. We need the companion to the Great Welkynd stone- a Great Sigil stone. To have access to this, we must allow the Mythic Dawn to open a Great Gate outside of Bruma. From what I have read, and what was in the orders you procured, three lesser gates must open before the Great Gate can. Once it is open, the enemy will unleash their ultimate weapon- something that hasn't been seen since the sack of Kvatch." He noticed her upraised eyebrows. "I told you that you wouldn't like it," he said.

"What I am speaking of is a siege engine, infused with unholy Daedric magic. It was the most frightening thing I have ever seen, and it will be back to topple Bruma.

We will have to use the area around the city as our fighting ground. While the gates open, we will keep the Daedra occupied and give you an opportunity to take the stone- that is, if you are willing to. I suppose that you are the most familiar with the stones and how they work. Since you were such a diligent recruiter, keeping the Daedric forces at bay shouldn't be too difficult. I will lead the troops on the field-"

"No!"

He looked slightly taken aback by the force of her words. She had shouted before she even realized what she was saying. She tried to rephrase her sentiments.

"Er- It's too dangerous. I'll head the battle. You should stay here, out of danger, because if you're lost, then all hope is lost," she blurted.

Suddenly, her heart raced like it never had before. This was her worst nightmare- that his sense of duty would lead him to do something she saw as… stupid. Dangerous. A fatal mistake. That she would lose him forever, when she could have prevented it.

"No, Rina. My place is on that field beside everyone else. If I am to be an emperor, it's time I started acting like one," he said, gently but firmly. His voice left no room for argument. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, because she was sure that she would break down and cry like a child.

"As you command," Rina conceded. Her heart sank. This was just what she had feared. How could she ever overcome the emotion that was so quickly overcoming_her?_

Martin seemed to reconsider his words.

"Rina, please try to understand. I need your judgment, not your obedience. I cannot hide here, letting others fight and perhaps even die in my stead. Remember when we first met in Kvatch? I said I didn't want any part in the gods' plans. I don't know if the gods have anything to do with what's going on, but I do know that something bigger than either of us is happening." This sentence struck Rina as slightly odd. What was he trying to say? Bigger than either of them? Did he suspect her?

"I will need to hold a council of war with the Countess of Bruma as soon as possible. I'm afraid she will take more convincing than you. Please tell her that I will meet her at the Great Chapel of Talos. Farewell, my friend."

"Farewell, Your Highness." Her fright had begun to turn to anger, and the last thing she wanted was to argue with him.

With little hope for a future of which he would be a part, not knowing what would happen in the time to come, Rina set out to find Countess Carvain. Going down the mountain was one of the hardest journeys of her life.


	4. Business to Attend to

Fighting the anger that was growing inside of her, to her horror, at Martin, Rina let loose a thousand curses in her mind. She cursed everything and everyone from Akatosh to Sithis to Zenithar, and then even Vivec, wherever he might be, but nothing sufficiently quelled her resentment. She looked down the face of the cliff at the sleeping city of Bruma, and she did something she had never done before.

She ran.

The portal still stood on the island in the middle of the bay, as it had for some time. That guard had finally lost interest in fighting with everybody and everything that came through the gate, Rina was somewhat gratified to see. With every step towards it, Rina could feel control slipping away from her, like the blue glow was madness itself. It had never felt so welcoming. Instead of a weakness, something that she needed to constantly fight, she would enter the portal, and let madness provide a refuge for a time. It was not unlike the feeling she had gotten after completing her first Dark Brotherhood contract. A sort of disconnection at the same time as feeling… hyper-attuned to everything around her. A sort of thrill, if nothing else.

Thinking of that reminded her that she still had to meet with the rest of the Black Hand in Bravil, since she was now a part of it, so they could awaken the Night Mother and seek her wisdom. She tried to push it from her mind as she took another step towards the glowing door. Shivering Isles. Her place there was calling to her.

For how long she was going to stay in the Isles, she did not know. She knew she couldn't face the Countess yet. And until she did so, she wouldn't be able to talk to Martin. She'd have to explain why she hadn't summoned Carvain when things were so urgent and- there really was no excuse. No excuse she could tell him.

The longer she stood, gasping and trying to catch her breath, staring at the portal and willing herself to go through it, to take just one more step, the more she knew that she could not run. She could escape for a while, yes, but nothing would ultimately be solved.

Still not knowing what to do with herself, she turned, walked down the path, and braced herself for the shock of the cold water as she swam back to the mainland.

The only thing she knew was that something needed to change.

After much deliberation, she finally decided to see to her business in Bravil. The Purification had solved nothing. All it had done was make Rina mourn for her lost friends and colleagues, though she had to admit that the prospect of not having to deal with the Orc and Vincente anymore was not so troubling.

Arquen, the Breton with the shifty eyes, and the rest of the Hand- minus Ungolim- were waiting for her. She felt somewhat out of place, but they were beginning the awakening ritual even as she was walking up to them. Arquen spoke the necessary words, pleading to the Night Mother for guidance.

The statue contorted itself, reaching up to the heavens as if trying to grasp a faraway rescuing hand, and froze once again. A trapdoor was now revealed where solid marble had formerly been. Even with all that was going on in the Mages Guild, Rina couldn't help being somewhat amazed.

Following everyone else down the ladder, she dropped down the last couple of feet and took stock of her surroundings. There was something familiar about it, though why a tomb littered with skeletons would be familiar she wasn't sure. Something was almost_ hospitable _about it.

The Night Mother was a frightening sight. Before Rina stood a ghost without eyes who was still able to see, and with a chilling voice that echoed off the walls of the chamber, like a void that would swallow the very stars in the sky.

Before Arquen could even finish speaking, the Night Mother was answering- her voice grew and grew, and the torches they were holding blew out.

"Fools! Lachance was not the traitor! The one you seek still stands among you!" she bellowed.

Before Rina knew what was happening, the Breton had killed one of the Hand and was trying to kill her as well, but Arquen helped her defeat him.

She didn't really remember what came next. The Night Mother was asking her things, and she was answering…

Climbing out of the crypt, she stood for a moment, not quite believing what had just happened.

"I'm Listener…" she whispered to nobody in particular. It was as if she could feel, see, and_ hear_ every shadow around her.

After a minute, the shock wore off and reality hit her. She had already spent too much time on her own business. She could avoid it no longer. She had to go back to Bruma. It would be too late by the time she would be able to get there for her to speak with the countess right away. She rode as long as she could, until fatigue forced her to hand over a handful of Septims for little more than a cot on the floor of a small, cramped room at a remote inn. She drifted off into a troubled sleep.

She wasn't sure how many days she was gone. As far as she could tell, she was somewhere between Bravil and Skingrad, if only by the vegetation. Everything was becoming a blur, and she didn't really care anymore. Using a quick detect life spell to make sure nothing was going to attack her, she fell down onto the thick carpet of grass. She thought of everyone waiting for her back at Cloud Ruler Temple, especially Martin... she wondered what he was doing. Probably staring at the Xarxes, as he had been doing for a while. She started to feel guilty

Morning broke over the Jerall Mountains. Shadowmere refused to climb the path to Cloud Ruler Temple, and Rina was forced to walk the entire way by foot, barely awake once she reached the top. Everything was exactly as she had left it. There was no air of doom here, in fact, everyone was rather disgustingly optimistic. Naively so, even. Blades were practicing new combat techniques in the designated areas, and Rina paused a moment to watch them. As skilled as she had become with a sword, she still learned a few things. She began to fret- were they all sufficiently trained? Would those participating in the battle know how to handle whatever came at them? Would the Blades even be participating in the fighting, or were they going to stay holed up in-

A familiar voice broke through her thoughts.

"Rina! Where have you been? We were worried. It is good to see you again. What did the countess have to say? Will she meet us to discuss battle plans?" Martin was looking at her eagerly, waiting for her to report. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, which was probably the case.

"I- haven't spoken with her yet," she replied with some hesitation. "Look, I need to talk to you. It's urgent."


	5. Confession

Before he knew what was happening, Rina was dragging Martin back into the Temple to his sleeping quarters, the only place where they could speak with some degree of privacy. Even_ his_ patience was growing thin. What possible excuse could she have for not seeing the Countess?

She let go of him and he spun around to face her. She didn't recognize the look on his face, one of restrained- not quite anger, but bewilderment mixed with… she didn't know what. Whatever it was, she didn't like it. Unceremoniously, she sat down on the floor, not even bothering to sit in a chair. Not knowing where else to situate himself, he seated himself on the floor across from her.

"What's going on? And what did you mean, you hadn't spoken with the countess yet? I thought that was what you had left to do," he asked, confused.

"I- I did. I had- business of my own to attend to first."

He stared at her, somewhat unbelieving.

"You of all people should be the most aware of how serious the situation is. This only would have taken a few minutes. Was your business so urgent that you couldn't have met with her first?"

She said nothing. She simply stared at the pair of shoes on the floor. Why had she come back? She certainly couldn't look him in the eye, not now. She couldn't lie, not to him.

What was she supposed to say, though? She was meeting with the other members of the Black Hand, the highest ranking assassins in the Dark Brotherhood, a vile and morally bankrupt group of killers with no regard for human life whatsoever?

"If you have anything else to say, say it. Otherwise, leave me be," she intoned, her voice cold. She wasn't even really aware of what she was saying. He was less than two feet away from her, and her heart was pounding as it hardly ever had before.

"Rina-"

She turned away from him. She couldn't let him see the tears forming in her eyes.

There were so many things she couldn't let him see or know. Surely he would shun her, exile her even, if he knew all the crimes she had committed. How many lives she had taken, especially. She was personally responsible for some number of murders that she herself couldn't even believe- she had lost track now. As Listener, she would be responsible for even more. By Sithis, she would be the one who would put them into action! It was not as if she were a mere child anymore, thirsting for acceptance. She was fully aware of what she was doing. Though the Brotherhood disgusted the human, compassionate side of her, something kept bringing her back.

This life, however, his life, was one that she would _not_ see taken away, by anything.

"Are you sure that this is the only possible course of action?" she croaked at length.

"I don't know of any other. We need that Great Sigil stone for the port ritual. Unless Mankar Camoran comes back into Tamriel, there is no way to avoid going into his Paradise," he replied, the anger receding from his voice. He still did not understand what was going on with her, and the conversation certainly wasn't over, but something told him that the strategy he was using was not working. "I'm sure you'll be able to handle it. And yes, I know you are fully aware of it, but you are the Divine Crusader-"

Rina started and went pale.

"Did I say somethi-" Martin began to say.

"I have a confession to make, Martin. I'm- I'm-" she interrupted him, but before she could finish, she broke down into undignified tears.

If he had been confused before, he had absolutely no clue what was happening now. She always seemed so volatile, full of energy one moment, sullen and silent the next, but never exhausted. She was like a storm, and he couldn't help feeling that she could be dangerous if she lost control. In the past, before he had gotten to know her, she had scared him. But now- something was different.

Here she was, seated on the floor before him, huddled and weeping like a child, a side of her that he had never seen. Generally she acted like she knew what to do, or if she didn't, she was willing to find out, even if it put her in danger- the Oblivion gate at Kvatch was an example of that. He thought it was probably less bravado and complete lack of fear than just being too stubborn to let other people do what she thought was her job.

He and the rest of the Empire knew she was the one who had found the Crusader's relics, there was no denial of that. Several months, however, passed between when the news had reached him and when she had finally returned to the Temple. Something had happened in that time, he was sure of it- but what? Would she even tell him? Did she trust him?

As much as it pained him to admit, part of his impatience to get the battle over with was for selfish reasons. Staying at the Temple all the time was… getting to him. He hadn't taken a real walk in months. In Kvatch, when he wasn't at the chapel, he was walking all over the city, getting to know its people, making a new name for himself that was not connected at all to Daedra. Here, especially in light of recent events that had hit far too close to home, there was too much time for solitude and thought. There was too much time for his own past to haunt him.

Some kind of nebulous feeling had been forming in his mind, though, and he began to realize now why the past months had seemed so long, looking at the troubled warrior woman in front of him. Standing, he took her hand and pulled her up, helping her into a chair. In that brief moment, holding her calloused, weathered hand in his, something was unlocked.

"Rina- please look at me. Do you feel like you could talk yet?" he inquired. She swallowed her sobs and looked him squarely in the eye, nodding.

"Rina… what happened?"

"I- I suppose you'd find out the truth sooner or later. I'm no longer this "Divine Crusader" everybody was talking about. The gods took that away from me." She said every word as if it pained her. Before she even let him answer, she continued. "I thought that I could hide behind a face that was not my own, that nobody would be able to see into my heart. I thought I could be anonymous. I thought it wouldn't affect me. I was wrong," she cried, flinging some sort of gray mask at him. It bore an inscription in runes he could easily read- "Shadow Hide Ou." The stolen cowl of Nocturnal! She was the Grey Fox?

"What are you talking about?" he said, obviously perplexed.

"I'm not who you think I am, Martin." He had never heard someone sound so… so _dejected_ before. "The gods did not want a… a _sinner_"- she spat the word out as if it were poison- "holding their precious toys. And Martin- this was… this was no petty thievery. It was much more than that!"

"Rina…" He didn't want to hear this. He didn't _need_ to hear this!

"No. I'm not going to shelter you from the truth any longer. I'm a _murderer_, Martin!" she almost shouted as she stood up. "Go ahead. Cast me out. Send me away. It's only what I deserve. Find yourself an honest person to do everything I would. One with a clean record, who isn't a hypocrite. One who doesn't bear the Gray Cowl. One who isn't the Madgod. One who isn't the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood!" She was rapidly losing control, and tears were streaming down her face again.

Martin struggled to think of something to say. Even with the evidence right in front of him, something kept him from judging her, from having the will to tell her to go. Perhaps it was because he himself had done things he was not proud of, and that had resulted in loss of lives. Perhaps it was the friendship between them that had been so strong before now. He had also never realized-known- how powerful she was, and obviously, to be the leader of so many people, she must have performed some heroic deeds- and some despicable ones, he had to concede. He became aware of what she was saying, having been lost in thought.

"-might even prefer it to staying here, not being able to look you or anyone else in the eye, feeling ashamed every moment of my filthy existence. It's not even that far in the past! My business took me to Bravil where I met the other members of the Black Hand. I had to see Lucien Lachance's death avenged, out of loyalty if nothing else. I could go pray at every shrine, every temple, every chapel from here to Morrowind, but it would not clear my conscience. I can't bear you looking at me like I'm some sort of hero-"

"Stop it."

"I-" She stared at him in wonder.

"No. Be quiet a moment and listen to me. I'm not happy that you kept all this from me. I wish you had felt you could trust me enough. No matter what, I still trust you, my friend, because I know what you have done for me and the Empire. You forget how much _good_ you have done. It _will_ take some time for this wound to heal, but I am confident that it will.

Were you a part of the Brotherhood before you acquired the Relics?" he tried to ask her in the most level voice possible, in an effort to get _her_ to be more rational. He was surprised that he was making any sense, as a million thoughts were flashing through his mind.

"Yes."

"Did you possess the Cowl as well?"

"…Yes." She didn't know what he was getting at. She sniffed, trying to calm down.

"Did the gods deem you worthy anyways?"

"… I suppose so."

"So, that doesn't change the past. But even the gods overlooked your past transgressions. I could hardly do differently," he told her. "Especially considering I don't have the best track record, either, what with the Sanguine Rose and all, as you well know," he added, venturing a smile.

"You- you forgive me?" she said, astonished, wiping the tears off on her sleeve.

" For keeping it from me, yes. I am somewhat hurt, but as I said, that will not be permanent. As far as your transgressions go, you need not ask me for forgiveness. It's not my place."

There were a few moments of contemplative, relieved silence.

"Did you know I didn't even believe in the gods at first? With the Knights of the Nine, though… It's not like I had any sort of miraculous conversion, it's just that it's kind of hard to deny they exist when they're talking to you and giving you things," she laughed, shaky and hesitant.

"Like Daedra," observed Martin, joining in her laughter.


	6. Of Hair and Hems

**Finally, a bit of humor.**

* * *

The next day, Rina woke early in the morning since she had collapsed into a deep, exhausted sleep the night before. Not that it had been devoid of nightmares, but for once, she didn't remember them in painstaking clarity. She took a look at herself in the mirror before going downstairs. She really was a mess. For the first time in months, really, she rummaged through her pack for a comb, and attempted to untie her hair. She was startled to find that there was no ribbon in her hair- apparently, that had disintegrated long before and her hair had _tangled_ itself into a sort of ponytail. Fairly disgusted, she painfully worked out all the knots. Somehow, she didn't mind. 

She hadn't felt in such high spirits in a very long time. After last night, about the only thing she had left in her emotional reserves _was_ happiness.

Unsatisfied with it still, she carefully washed it in the bowl that had been supplied for that purpose- it was actually Jauffre's, because the man was almost obsessive about his hair, but for once, she cared about her appearance- she was using it, and if he had anything to say about that, it was his business.

Rina was surprised at just how long her hair had become. She combed it out again, drying it with an extra shirt. The last time she could remember doing this was that one special Dark Brotherhood assignment so long ago, when she had not only be suave and charming- but look it as well, to gain the trust of the five other houseguests. She had definitely earned her bonus after that.

Looking in the mirror once more, she didn't recognize herself. Her hair had been lightened to auburn by all of her time out in the sun. It now went about halfway down her back, framing her face and making her once-broken nose less obvious. She hated her nose. _One fight with a guard, that's all it took. I just wish it hadn't healed a little crooked_.

Going through her pack, she looked for something to wear- she wasn't going dungeon delving today, so armor_probably_ wasn't necessary. She thought she'd take advantage of that to wear something nice for a change.

Red and purple finery from the Shivering Isles? Far too much. Her Madgod regalia? Even worse. Where would she ever actually _wear_ that stuff?

Usually she just put on her armor without thinking twice about it, unless there was some special occasion. This was taking far too much thought.

Actually, her black and burgundy dress would be perfect- she had enchanted it to shield her, so she would never be caught off-guard in town. If anything odd happened today, that should be enough.

She wasn't sure why it was so important to her that she look presentable today. Maybe it was the way that Martin had looked when he held her hand for that short time- it was like a glimmer of… something was there; he had never looked at her like that before. Every once in a while, he would laugh at something she said or did, but not until last evening did he seem truly at ease with her- and it never seemed that they thought so alike.

* * *

Martin was in the Great Hall working on the Xarxes again, as usual. Did he _ever_ take a break? She greeted him with a friendly pat on the back and pulled up a chair across the table from him, saying, "Good morning, your Majesty. I trust you slept well?" 

"Rina!- you- oh... I, um, g-good morning. That is, yes, I slept pretty well. Thank you for asking," he replied, the words stumbling out of his mouth. He looked away from her quickly.

Silence.

"…What?" she asked. It was almost a dare. She tried hard not to smirk.

"You look quite different- er nice, that is, you look nice. Erm, that is, I'm not saying that you normally don't"- a blush- "er- did you do something with your hair?" Martin's face was growing more crimson by the second. She almost felt sorry for him. What had she expected, though, after looking like a mountain woman for so long?

"You might say so. Know why you didn't see me at breakfast?"

"Um-"

She gestured at her hair. "That's how long this took." She couldn't help but feel a little victorious. "Hey, I'm going to run down into town and pick up some things. Is there any vegetable you're particularly pining for?" she asked him before swinging her legs around the chair to stand- and the next thing she knew, she tumbled head over heels onto the floor under the table, having tripped over her own hem.

"Oof."

Martin was about to get up and help her when a hand gripped the edge of the table and he heard a muffled "I'm okay." In a moment she was standing again, glaring at him as he laughed. Under her breath she was muttering, "don't you DARE say anything, Matin, or so help me…"

"Oh, and as far as vegetables go, not really, but thank you. Farewell, and be careful going down the mountain in that dress."

Touché.

* * *

Martin watched Rina leave. 

_Wow._

* * *

Embarassed, both at her own boldness and her little stumble, Rina ran down to Bruma so she could get some exercise and clear her mind. Before she went back up to Cloud Ruler Temple, she needed to be less giddy. Naturally, Shadowmere was no longer where she had left him. She also needed to get rid of all the stolen… silverware and things she had unintentionally picked up, so she went to see Ongar since he was the closest fence around. He was taking a nap, as usual, but at this point, she knew him well enough to be able to wake him up without him calling the guards or telling her to get out of his house. 

"Wha- unghmrphtalgmubcrab…" he mumbled and turned over, falling asleep again instantly. She only caught a few words, and had to stifle a giggle.

"Ooooongaaaar," she called to him. This time he actually woke up.

"Nungh- Oh, it's you. I just had the strangest dream," he told her as he stood. She was positive she could _hear_ the creaking of his knees. Inside, she winced slightly. "I was in Morrowind again, and there was this island out in the middle of nowhere with a-"

"I know. I've been there myself," she interrupted him, laughing. "Yeah, he's loaded. Obnoxious character, though," she added.

Ongar made an odd sort of strangled noise.

"How did you know?"

"You were talking in your sleep. Again. You are pretty much every time I find you napping."

He looked rather sheepish, and was eager to change the subject.

"So what brings you here? Business to transact, or just catching up on Guild news? Methredel was in recently and said they haven't seen you in a while down on the Waterfront." He was fumbling around for his coin bag. "I could have sworn I had it here a minute ago-" he muttered, getting more confused by the second.

"Looking for this?" Rina drawled as the bag slid out of her sleeve. Even Ongar had to laugh.

"I guess I'm losing my touch. So, need anything… moved?" he asked her in hushed tones. "Oh. I guess I don't need to use any… code words since we're not at the inn, eh?"

"Just silverware, planters, things like that I picked up accidentally. Got a bunch of stuff, but it's mostly junk. Anything that _isn't_ junk, I'm keeping!" she joked, giving him his coins back. "I've been busy with other things recently. Haven't even been back to the Arena in a few months. They're probably sending out search parties to find me as they watch their coffers dry up. Actually, it's been a while since I've been to the Imperial City at all. I've been up in this area most of the time, recently," she told him as she dumped all the useless, but not worthless items out of her bag.

He looked them over. "I could probably give you, oh, 60 for what you've got here. I don't think anybody is going to be likely to need stolen flowers, though. How did you pick all of this stuff up 'accidentally'?" he asked.

"You know how it is. You're looking for good stuff in one of the castle halls, and one of those wretched planters works its way into your pack. The next thing you know, you're almost overburdened by all of it," she said, her voice matter-of-fact. "Well, I'd better get going. Shadow hide you," she told him over her shoulder as she went out the door. She felt as if a large weight had been removed from her shoulders- which, in fact, was the case.


	7. The Countess

After leaving Ongar's house, her stolen housewares off her hands, Rina's happiness began to wear off.

She had to talk to the Countess today. She couldn't bear to disappoint Martin again, besides the danger she was putting everyone in by delaying it.

She tried to think rationally. The chances that anything major would go wrong during the battle were slim. Rina would be there to protect Martin, and he was a surprisingly good fighter for having been a priest most of his life. Perhaps it was something he learned during his… Daedra-worshipping days.

He was also going to have the Armor of Tiber Septim, which was sturdy and would surely keep him from being severely wounded. Of course, it was old, and entirely possible that it would become damaged in the battle, and he would not be protected-

Once she realized that she was beginning to worry again, she forced her thoughts to come back under her control.

Everything would be alright in the end. If she kept telling herself that, eventually she would believe it.

The Bruma castle was tall and foreboding, not welcoming at all. Rina approached the guard outside, who was standing idly, not paying much attention to everyone coming and going.

"Is the Countess holding audience?" she asked him.

He snapped to attention, obviously embarrassed.

'Y-yes, you may speak with her now if she is not already engaged," he stammered, opening the door for her.

Inside, it was so dark that Rina could barely see. _What kind of nobility sits like a spider in a web, waiting for prey in a dark, dank place like this?_

The Countess sat on her throne, staring moodily at an empty display case.

She was a rather tan, stocky woman who had an air of haughtiness about her. Rina swallowed, bracing herself. _If she's rude, don't take it personally. It's kind of understandable why she wouldn't jump at the chance to put her entire city in danger of total destruction. Still, she looks like a difficult one. _

Rina cleared her throat. "Countess Carvain? My name is Rina. I-"

The countess clapped her hands delightedly. "Rina! How delightful. You must be here because I summoned you. Are you familiar with Akaviri artifacts?"

"No, I- I had received your invitation, but I come now on behalf of Martin Septim, heir to the throne. He would like to request an audience with you concerning urgent military matters," Rina said, forcing herself to speak slowly and deliberately, not betraying how frightened she was feeling.

"_Heir? _Impossible! Everyone knows there were no imperial heirs left. Whoever this "Martin" is, he cannot be a Septim. What could he possibly want to talk to me about?"

Rina almost drew her sword. _Calm, stay calm. _"I- I was with the Emperor when- when he was assassinated. Martin _is_ his son, and the true heir. The Blades have accepted him and are in his service. S-Surely there could be no objection when his claim has been validated by those who were most loyal to Uriel Septim," she said, choosing her words carefully. To insult the Countess would probably result in getting tossed into prison, not to mention that she certainly would not consider holding an audience with Martin.

The Countess seemed to think on what Rina had said. "What is the nature of his business in my city?" she asked.

"I trust you are familiar with the history and use of the Amulet of Kings?" Rina inquired.

"Yes, I have read the definitive book on the subject."

"The Amulet of Kings is needed to stop the Oblivion invasion, and the only way to get it is to infiltrate Mankar Camoran's- the leader of the Mythic Dawn cult that murdered the emperor- realm. In order to access it, we must have the Great Sigil Stone. This is the anchor for the Great Gate, which can only open once three smaller gates have opened as well, according to the spies' plans that were intercepted some time ago. There is no other choice," Rina explained, as much saying it to herself as to the Countess. Carvain thought for a moment.

"You cannot possibly think that this course of action would work!" the Countess exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up.

"It- it is the only way. "Camoran disappeared with the Amulet before I could catch him. The best opportunity to obtain this Great Sigil stone would be to allow the previously planned attack on Bruma to commence. Martin Septim would like to speak with you about possible plans for this battle."

"I still do not see why my city must be put in danger, but tell this Martin that I will speak to him. I will meet him at the Chapel of Talos as soon as possible. Have him send you first, so I know when I must leave. Good day." She immediately turned to speak to one of her bodyguards.

Dismissed, Rina left the hall. _Nobility. So… haughty, arrogant, frustrating. At least Martin isn't like that. Definitely the opposite! _On her walk back to the Temple, Rina looked at her hands and noticed that she was shaking. If Carvain approved of the plan, there would be no going back.

Out of frustration, anxiety, and emotions she couldn't name, Rina kicked the nearest rock.

A mistake.

Her foot felt like it was exploding. Immediately taking off her shoe and sock, she saw that her smallest toe was already rapidly swelling, turning an angry red. It was at a rather odd sort of angle as well. She turned and wretched off to the side of the trail, hoping nobody was coming up below. _Not going to cry not going to cry, by the gods, I am not going to cry!_She put her boot back on, prepared to crawl if she had to.

She did.

Never before did the trail up seem so long and steep… or covered in snow. Near the top, Rina was almost completely drenched, shivering and angry beyond reason. _That was completely preventable! Why oh why did I do that? Why can't I find some healthy, safe outlet? Like… destruction magic? _With no energy left, Rina pounded on the large, heavy doors and slumped fully onto the ground. _If he says anything about this, I swear I'll…__I don't know. Something. Something unpleasant. Maybe I'll cook him dinner. _

To her surprise, it was Martin who opened the doors.

"Ow!" he heard. "It hit me!"

"Rina?" he called as he stepped out, spotting her immediately. "What happened to you? Come inside at once!" he cried. He rushed over to her. _What did she do to herself? Did she __**crawl**__back here?_ he thought., noticing her now-muddy, torn, soaked gown.

"I, um, can't really do that, Martin," came her muffled reply. She was still face down in the snow, too embarrassed to move.

"What-"

"I kicked a rock and now I have a broken toe. Um… would you mind helping me up?" _I really hate for him to see me like this. Ugh. I must be a mess. _Her voice was small and pleading.

"Of course. Here," he said, extending his hand to her. "Are you okay now? Can you walk?" he asked, concern in his voice. She tried to get up, and promptly fell down again. "Apparently, no," he added. She couldn't help smiling at _that_. Martin helped her to stand and supported her as they made their way up the stairs and into the Great Hall. She sat down in the nearest chair.

"Do you mind if I take a look at it and see what I can do?" he asked her, kneeling down on the floor.

"No, go ahead." He eased her boot off, and she tried to distract herself from the pain by talking. "I saw the Countess today. She's a- _urk_- rather unpleasant sort- _mmph_- but she agreed to see you- _ow,_" she said between exclamations of pain. Rina watched in amazement as he tore a strip of fabric off the hem of his robe.

"Where and when will she speak with me?" he murmured as he wound the makeshift bandage around Rina's foot.

"As soon as possible in the- _urgh_- Chapel of Talos. She- requested that I am sent ahead to herald your arrival." Suddenly, a faint blue glow enveloped Rina's foot. Her foot tingled, but once that subsided, most of the pain left her. "How did you do that?" she inquired, looking at him.

"Convalescence. A very basic spell. I can teach it to you if you want to learn it," he answered. He rose from the floor, brushing the dust off his robe. "You should be okay for now. Can you walk on it?"

Rina stood. It still hurt, but nowhere near like it had before. "Wow," she said, vaguely amazed. "I really don't know how to thank you."

"No need to. You should probably go get changed. I still can't believe you crawled all that way. How did you do it?" he asked her.

"LOTS of Potions of Respite. Strong ones," she called over her shoulder as she limped off to her room.


	8. Preparations

Her glowing mood was already changing as she went to her room. Thoughts of the ensuing battle displaced everything else in her mind, and she cursed herself for being so stupid as to injure herself at such an important time. Could they really afford the amount of time it would take for her to heal? She knew the answer was no. She would have to do what she could to lessen the pain, and then simply bear it.

Her thoughts returned to Martin. She could not imagine the immense pressure that was on him. She knew that she should not further burden him with her own emotion, but something in her refused to be repressed. She knew it was only a matter of time until her speech betrayed her. How long could she maintain her charade of being his friend and supporter, and that alone, without any sense of greater… devotion? _I'll talk to him as soon as we talk to the Countess. Who knows, we might not even survive this battle, and I want him to know what I'm thinking. If he doesn't feel the same way… I don't know, something tells me that… that isn't the case. But if I'm wrong, and after all this is over, if we survive, he'll never have to see me again if he doesn't want to. Avoid any potential awkwardness. And- I… have absolutely no idea what is going on. The only thing I'm sure of is that- I love him._

She reemerged from her room in an embroidered tunic and pair of sensible but respectable pants, ready to speak to Martin again about the task at hand. As usual, she found him in the Great Hall, poring over his books, since he had little better to do at the moment. The battle plans were set; the Countess' permission was all that was needed.

Martin was in another world, oblivious to what was happening around him. He would have been pacing around the room if doing so wouldn't have garnered unwanted attention. He didn't particularly feel like talking to anybody right now, much less being asked what was bothering him. It was so wearisome to be constantly fawned over, yet burdened with such high expectations. He was so absorbed in thought that he didn't even notice Rina enter the room and greet him. _I never thought it would be like this. I have no idea how she feels, and this is hardly the time for sentiment. It seems so sudden, but it's been building and growing since Kvatch … But we are at war. There is a battle on our hands. But- if we were to… die, which may be entirely possible, I would want her to know first that I_… _love her? I _love _ her. I love her!_

"Martin?" a familiar voice asked, interrupting his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Rina! Oh, yes, sorry. Rather distracted," he conceded, rather lamely.

"Are you ready to go speak with the Countess?" she asked him.

"Whenever you are. Are you feeling up to the journey?" he replied.

"As long as I'm careful, I think I'll be okay. I mixed up a harrada poultice to numb my foot but I'm not really sure if it would work."

"It should, as long as the concentration isn't high enough to cause problems," he answered vaguely.

"G- good… Are you ready to go talk to the countess? If you are, I can go now to let her know. Oh, could I borrow your horse? Mine's run off-" she started to say after a pause, stopping when she saw his startled expression.

"Is it-"

"No, no, it's not stolen. It was a gift from… Well, truthfully, it was the horse presented to me by my… boss in the Dark Brotherhood. Shadowmere. You'd know him if you saw him, big, black, bridle with a silver skull on it. Hard to miss. Oh yes, and red eyes. I realize the bridle may scare some people, but I haven't had the heart to change it. I like it too much."

"I think I've… seen him. Where did he go?" Martin asked.

"That's the thing, I really don't know. I think he gets offended when I go off somewhere without him. He's probably back at Fort Farragut, where his former master lived. Best damn horse is all of Cyrodiil, but never stays where I leave him," Rina said, finishing her lengthy explanation.

"Well then, you are certainly welcome to use mine. I should see you in about an hour, then. I'll go get Baurus and Jauffre, and… I think I go need to make myself presentable. Look authoritative and all that, you know," Martin said, venturing a small smile as he grasped the torn hem of his robe. He seemed nervous.

_You'd be presentable in a prison uniform_, Rina thought. "You needn't go get Baurus and Jauffre; I can tell them before I leave," she said out loud. "Hopefully Jauffre is awake. One would think the Grandmaster would be a light sleeper, but that man sleeps like a log. I had to wake him up when I was delivering the Amulet to Weynon Priory. It was about two in the morning, I think."

Martin and Rina chuckled. _And his snoring has been keeping me awake, even though he's in the next room, _he thought.In a moment, the Rina companionably put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly, and she awkwardly withdrew it at once, with something of an embarrassed look. She quickly tried to change the subject. _What did you do that for, idiot?!_

"Gah- er, don't worry, your Highness. Everything will get sorted out."

_Everything._


End file.
